Blecch Monday. Stupor Tuesday

The only thing worse than firing an unsuccessful coach is retaining one. The only coaches less impressive than the ones who were just fired are the ones looking to get hired. All decisions are bad decisions, because the stakes are staggeringly high, the likelihood of success is low and the folks making the decisions have cottage cheese for brains.

(And maybe, just maybe, shooting spitballs at this process from the outside, with no skin in the game, is a little easier than actually making tough, career-defining decisions.)

Welcome to the 2026 NFL Coaching Carousel!

Ravens fire John Harbaugh

Don’t think of this situation as a coach getting fired because his rookie kicker missed a field goal at the end of regulation in a do-or-die play-in game. Think of this as a coach getting fired because a team with legitimate Super Bowl aspirations needed a rookie kicker to make a field goal at the end of regulation in a do-or-die play-in game.

Harbaugh was fired because the Ravens came unglued while leading 24-13 in the fourth quarter against the Patriots in Week 17. He was fired because the Ravens let some bad first-half breaks snowball into a blowout loss to the Bengals on Thanksgiving. He was fired because the Ravens, reasonably healthy in the second half of the season, couldn’t blow the doors off the pokey Steelers and their grandpa-playing-HORSE-in-the-driveway offense in either game.

Harbaugh was fired for coughing up a 40-25 lead against the Bills in the season opener. He was fired for not finding a way to manufacture a single measly win during the Weeks 3-6 injury plague; grand strategist empire-builder coaches like Harbaugh are supposed to be able to do things like that. Andy Reid would, in most years. Sean McVay would. Mike Tomlin would (though the Steelers would then later tie the Saints or something).

Harbaugh was fired because the Ravens kept losing to the Chiefs or Bills in the playoffs every year, and bronze medalists don’t earn much benefit of the doubt. He was fired because he has been too loyal to his brain-drained staff, particularly on defense. He was fired because Lamar Jackson is grumbling behind the scenes, and the Ravens aren’t getting rid of Jackson. (They tried that once. The rest of the NFL suffered mass erectile dysfunction at the mere thought of it.)

Harbaugh was NOT fired for being a bad football coach. He’s a fine coach: 14th on the all-time wins list, tied for seventh (despite recent failures) on the all-time playoff wins list. He’s excelled at player development for almost two decades. He presents a likeable public persona and always gets the team’s messaging right. He hired and promoted quality assistants, up to and including Todd Monken, before Mike Macdonald’s departure finally dried up the pipeline. The Titans and Giants may have reached out to Harbaugh by the time you read this. If they haven’t, they should.

Still, the Ravens did the right thing.

I remember the final years of Andy Reid’s Eagles tenure. They were marked, more than anything else, by disappointment: teams that looked great on paper but not on the field in December and January, teams that lost the ability to overcome some injuries or bad bounces, teams that alternated between pressing and looking like everyone was doing his own thing. That’s what the 2025 Ravens looked like. The 2024 Ravens looked that way at times, too.

Perhaps Harbaugh deserved a chance to turn things around, but this was the turnaround from 2021-22. I cannot be certain that the Ravens need a new voice, but those of us on the outside are often the last to hear, and it’s not like Steve Bisciotti makes changes frivolously.

And yes, I might be writing very similar paragraphs about Mike Tomlin right now in the parallel universe where Tyler Loop makes that field goal. Just because many of these points are also true for Tomlin and the Steelers doesn’t make them false for Harbaugh and the Ravens.

Falcons fire Rich McKay, Raheem Morris, Terry Fontenot

The Falcons are run more like an unsuccessful, mismanaged corporation than an unsuccessful, mismanaged football franchise.

Major Falcons decisions are shrouded in nebulousness, as if they were run through a dozen sausage-grinding bureaucratic committees to diffuse accountability, thereby losing all semblance of coherent strategy. Who signed Kirk Cousins? Who drafted Michael Penix? Who said, “let’s do both”? Who traded next season’s first-round pick for Jalon Walker? Who hired Morris and Fontenot? Who fired them?

The most likely answer to all of those questions was outgoing CEO Rich McKay, who ran the Falcons like a kid who keeps begging his parents for goldfish, then forgetting to feed them. McKay may make the headline-grabbing decisions, but it has always been up to underlings like Fontenot and Morris, or (for the biggies) owner/enabler Arthur Blank, to justify those decisions, build rosters around them, and then deal with the consequences.

Raheem Morris never stopped feeling like a defensive coordinator who happened to hold on to his interim job for 24 months. Terry Fontenot always seemed to be building around someone else’s quarterback decision. We’re keeping Matt Ryan forever. We wouldn’t dare pursue Lamar Jackson. But that Deshaun Watson sweepstakes sounds fun. A Cousins/Penix tag team will prove that we are smarter than the league, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Neither Morris nor Fontenot can be blamed for the Falcons’ perpetuated mediocrity. McKay’s bureaucracy, however, was constructed to ensure that they would. McKay must have been more surprised than anyone when the scythe harvested him as well.

Blank has reportedly entrusted the coach and general manager searches to two separate consulting groups. Seriously, you cannot make this shit up. Something called ZRG Partners will help find the head coach, while Sportsology Group will headhunt for the general manager. Forget vertical integration: this is horizontal disintegration. The House and Senate subcommittees will draw up competing budget plans to guarantee that neither gains support.

Both ZRG and Sportsology sound like boiler oom LLCs designed to do nothing except siphon consulting bucks away from dipshit billionaires and/or operate at a heavy loss for tax purposes. Alternately, they sound like variations on The 33rd Team when it reached its final devolution: a loose conglomeration of unemployed ex-NFL muckety-mucks awarding each other job titles while they try to find each other real work.

I checked the ZRG and Sportsology websites expecting to find a clearinghouse for former Bill Parcells cronies who did not make the cut at North Carolina. The only old NFL guy I found on Sportology’s website, however, was Rick Smith, the Texans general manager in the mid-2010s. He was also the only person of color to merit a headshot – besides one “diversity and inclusion research fellow” – to go along with one lady. Everyone else looked like they were posing for an eHarmony profile seeking a “Pam Bondi type,” followed by a bio full of corporate gobbledygook.

ZRG’s consulting team had much more diversity: more ladies, fewer dudes who looked like they were trying to win a Becker-era Ted Danson lookalike contest. ZRG also employs a sprawling warren of experts in different fields; their org chart must be a ravenous revenue-gobbling behemoth.

I saw no one with obvious NFL ties on the ZRG Sports, Music and Entertainment team. I am certain, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the consultant hired by the Falcons will begin their headhunting by reading a “Hot Head Coaching Candidates” listicle from Fansided or whatever. Hmm, this Chris Shula sounds promising. Have Felicia run a background check to see if there is anything in his family history we should be informed about.

Sportsadoodle and BLRGH Consulting won’t make terrible choices, mind you, because a random fan working from a hot-candidates list would perform about as well as the sharpest headhunter to ever invest in a LinkedIn Double Deluxe Platinum subscription. The consultants will merely make perfunctory and separate choices. The Falcons are just as likely to end up with orange juice in their cereal as peanut butter in their chocolate.

Luckily, Blank hedged his already split bet by announcing that Matt Ryan will join the Falcons in the coveted Tom Brady-like role of Former Quarterback and Moonlighting Television Announcer With Amorphous Rasputin-Like Powers.

So the GM chosen by Sportsaboobie and the coach chosen by ZORK will either answer to or work around the underqualified big-name suit filler appointed by Blank. That’s sure to foster a cohesive organization vision.

I volunteer my services as a consultant to help Blank coordinate the decisions made by his previous consultants.

Browns fire Kevin Stefanski

I have had the misfortune of losing several jobs due to executive-level ineptitude and/or malfeascance over the last 15 years.

I also had the great fortune of hearing my phone buzz wildly, sometimes minutes after news of my company/outlet’s implosion hit the social networks, sometimes days or weeks before. Hey man, there are rumors that Sports on Earth is on life support. Just to let you know, we are looking for … In just about every case, even the career backsteps and missteps represented a mental/emotional health improvement over playing cello on the deck of the Titanic.

In other words, I can relate to what Stefanski is going through. As bleak as fired by the Browns sounds, this could be the best day of the rest of his life.

Stefanski will be an NFL head coach again by 2028, at the absolute latest. He could be one again in three weeks. If forced to spend a year or two as a high-profile offensive coordinator, he might find the experience reinvigorating.

I don’t mean to trivialize the upheaval of changing jobs, especially for folks who must relocate – Stefanski has young children who will now have to change schools, etc. – but that’s the career he chose. And perhaps Stefanski could find stability by returning to the Philadelphia area, where he was born and went to school, and taking a job in his field closer to home. PLZ OH PLZ BECOME THE IGGLES OC KEVIN.

Where was I? Oh yeah: Stefanski will be fine. The Browns won’t. With Stefanski gone and Paul DePodesta back to peddling his past-its-expiration-date Moneyball elixir to baseball rubes, Andrew Berry is the Last Visionary Standing in Cleveland.

It has never been clear whether Berry has a vision independent of DePodesta, and it never will be. Berry is still saddled with the Deshaun Watson situation and the dire cap predicament that comes with it. The Haslams claim that Berry will lead the search to find the next Browns head coach, but you better believe that Jimmy will get his grubby fingerprints all over it.

Berry was front-and-center as the face of the Browns on Monday, patiently non-answering Deshaun and Shedeur Sanders questions with the look of oblivion in his eyes, but that has been Berry’s role since Haslam and DePodesta hired him as their version of a White House Press Secretary.

Let’s see … is there someone out there with coaching experience, who speaks Old School Football, whose credentials Haslam might find impressive, who could be looking for a new job after an unsuccessful year at his current one, who could potentially have some personal interest in insinuating himself into the Browns power structure? Think, Mike, think. An opportunistic self-promotor with shades of DePodesta, McCarthy and Hue Jackson who could sell Haslam on an affordable quarterback solution that also happens to fit his personal/paternal agenda?

The name will come to me in prime time.

In the meantime, the Ravens requested an interview with Aden Durde, who deserves all the credit for the Seahawks defensive success that doesn’t belong to Mike Macdonald, which is a rather small percentage of it. Durde’s name is pronounced “Dirty,” more-or-less, so if he is hired we can at least we can look forward to “Durde Browns” jokes which will only force our minds to circle right back to Deshaun Watson.

(I don’t think the Browns will hire Deion Sanders. Nor can I completely rule out the possibility. And I find it both delightful and hilarious.)

Raiders fire Pete Carroll

What a colossal waste of time, talent, money, resources, prestige and credibility the 2025 Raiders were.

Brian Flores is the ideal connect-the-dots candidate for the Raiders; DraftKings is giving him a +175 moneyline to win the job.

Flores has a Tom Brady connection. He could attract a well-pedigreed offensive coordinator, and he’d better. He could appease Maxx Crosby, who was suddenly very vocal on Monday after burning sick days for much of December. And Flores has probably learned his lesson about throwing red-faced conniptions at his quarterback, even if it’s Tua Tagovailoa.

Cardinals fire Jonathan Gannon

Quick: name Gannon’s offensive coordinator for the last three years. Here’s a hint: his name sounds like a Scandinavian slang term for a tallywhacker.

Perhaps you can name this fellow, since he has had a high-profile NFL job for several years. But can you describe his offensive philosophy? For that matter, can you really describe Gannon’s defensive philosophy?

Can you name the Cardinals general manager, who will return for 2026? Can you describe his organizational philosophy? Can you square up his timeline with Kyler Murray’s contract extension or injury history without looking things up? If the lives of a schoolbus full of orphans were at stake, could you write a coherent, sensible five-paragraph narrative about the 2023-25 Cardinals that wasn’t simply about how Trey McBride’s fourth-quarter touchdowns helped you win a fantasy league?

Unless you are a Cardinals fan or a colleague in the NFL media, I will bet you answered “no” to most of these questions. That’s as sound an indictment of the Gannon era as any. It was more of an existential theater installation than three years of NFL football: a coach, quarterback, team and fanbase waiting at a station for a train that never even rounds the bend.

Cowboys fire defensive coordinator Matt Eberflus

Roughly 99% of young hotshot defensive coordinators who become head coaching shortlisters are drafting off some combination of outstanding personnel or luck. That includes Chris Shula, who also has nepo superpowers. It probably includes Anthony Campanile, who was nobody until around Halloween, then gorged on a steady diet of Cam Ward, Riley Leonard and Brady Cook for two months. Mike Macdonald could be the exception, or we could be talking about how the Seahawks fell apart without Klint Kubiak around to keep Sam Darnold from swallowing his tongue this time next year. The best defensive coordinators are the older cats who end up staying defensive coordinators forever.

Raheem Morris would absolutely crush it as the Cowboys defensive coordinator, especially given some first-round defenders to work with.

Commanders fire offensive coordinator Kliff Kingsbury

Kliff Kinsbury is Mike McDaniel on Panera Charged Lemonade. He draws up lots of interesting, effective play concepts. And lots of loopy, counterproductive and overcomplicated ones. And cannot tell the difference. Nor stop himself from trying to use all of them.

The swiftness with which the Commanders went from the smartest people on earth to stabbing each other between the ribs just to stay employed should send chills down the spine of any team who achieved sudden success under a new coaching regime with the help of a soft schedule and/or some miracle wins this year.

Lions fire John Morton

The Lions ranked seventh in DVOA despite injury issues along the offensive line all season. Morton is taking the fall for Brad Holmes crossing his fingers instead of finding reinforcements, Campbell grabbing the headset and screaming weird trick plays and ultra-aggressive fourth-down calls into it, and Jared Goff doing what Jared Goff has done when his protection breaks down since 2016.

This is what it looks like when a “winning culture” evaporates like a smoke ring. Fortunately for the Lions, there are some capable offensive coaches hitting the market.

Bengals retain Zac Taylor, who plans no staff changes

The Bengals’ organizational motto is “Welp.”

Joe Burrow missed half a season with injuries? Welp. Trey Hendrickson spent half the year angry about his contract and the other half angry about his contract with a doctor’s note? Welp. What, you are saying that a team is supposed to be able to win a few games with veteran backup quarterbacks? That a defense is supposed to still finish higher than 32nd in the NFL without its best player? That sounds difficult and expensive. No thank you!

Joe Burrow should demand one of those trendy new Tom Brady/Matt Ryan kinda-sorta team president roles. No reason to wait until retirement.

Titans line up interviews with Matt Nagy, Lou Anarumo

Titans GM Mike Borgonzi was a high-ranking Chiefs executive during both of Nagy’s stints as Andy Reid’s offensive coordinator. Captain Lou served on the same Bengals staff as Brian Callahan, whom the Titans fired early in the season.

Did you ever get the impression that NFL executives try to conduct coaching searches without ever bothering to learn any new phone numbers?

The Titans are also interviewing Jason Garrett. It’s as if they’re allergic to charisma.

Dolphins retain Mike McDaniel. Tua seeks dope.

McDaniel was allowed to give an end-of-year presser and wax philosophically about the future of the quarterback position; if Stephen Ross is planning a head-coaching change, he is running a little late.

Ross is also combing through 49ers front office middle-management structure in search of a new general manager who would likely have ties to McDaniel. This sounds suspiciously like allowing an underperforming employee to pick his own boss. Arthur Blank’s decision to hire outsiders no longer sounds ridiculous, does it?

Let’s check in briefly with Dolphins fans/media:

To be clear, McDaniel’s job-saving second-half “surge” featured wins over the Commanders, Saints and Jets, a Buccaneers team in freefall, and the Bills in one of their self-destructive moods. The Steelers, Bengals and Patriots beat the Dolphins down the stretch by a combined score of 111-36.

McDaniel will be on the hot seat again by October. But not before throwing a wrench into the Dolphins’ quarterback situation for the next five years.

Tua Tagovailoa, meanwhile, said “that would be dope” when asked about a change of scenery. He would be a perfect fit in Minnesota. Kevin O’Donnell could use spare parts of Tua and J.J. McCarthy to build a quarterback who can be healthy and effective for 17 games.

Colts retain Shane Steichen, Chris Ballard

Roughly 20 years ago, Aaron Schatz and I visited NFL Films and met Ron Jaworski and Greg Cosell for the first time. In one of our visits, former general manager Charlie Casserly joined the four of us for a leisurely lunch. Other retired dignitaries sometimes stopped in to talk shop. These were some of our first interactions with real NFL people having real football conversations.

I learned immediately how out of my depth I was in those early day-long in-services. Coaches/quarterbacks/executives dumb things way down when speaking to fans or reporters. When talking amongst themselves, they sound a little like theologians debating in Latin or Hebrew. It’s not jargon to them, but the precise terminology of the craft. Even someone who can rattle off rosters, stats and basic strategies is likely to have a Holy S**t moment when having real talks with folks who make football decisions for a living.

Other colleagues shared similar “first time” experiences with me over the years. Meet a coach or general manager who is considered a buffoon by most fans in a private, off-the-record setting, and you will quickly be blown away by the depth and detail of their knowledge, as well as the complexity that goes into everything from game planning to scouting to organizing a week of two-hour practices.

None of this should surprise you. Ask your auto mechanic about repairing a transmission, and you are likely to wonder why you ever thought college literary analysis was complicated. Even the 33rd-best expert in their field – someone at real risk of getting fired in a field with only 32 available jobs – can sound like an absolute genius to the laity.

All of which brings me back to Carlie Irsay-Gordon and her Big Sister headset. Irsay-Gordon has been unapologetically listening in on everything. My guess: she experienced just how much specialized expertise goes into being a head coach and general manager. It put her on her back foot, at least temporarily. She’s not yet versed enough in the procedural shop talk to “identify stupid.” And yes, the 8-2 Colts start bought (certainly) Steichen and (inevitably) Ballard some benefit-of-the-doubt.

Maybe Irsay-Gordon should hire someone to help her snag Ballard before he makes his next too-safe-yet-too-expensive quarterback decision. (Mac Jones’ ears are burning.) Perhaps Peyton Manning would volunteer. He can’t let Tom Brady and Matt Ryan have all the fun.