The Skeptic's NFL Training Camp Guide: AFC East

Welcome to The Skeptic’s Training Camp Guide, an eight-part NFL preview that takes not taking training camp seriously very seriously. Think of it as a catchup show for those of you who tuned out the NFL right after the draft like normal, emotionally-healthy humans.

Let’s dive straight into the AFC East!

Buffalo Bills

The Bills peaked in 2024. You know it. They know it. The BillsMafia knows it. Try to act surprised/disappointed when they lose in the playoffs this year.

Leadership Structure

Brandon Beane stopped just short of changing his last name to Pegula during his offseason power grab. Formerly the Bills general manager, Beane is now essentially Generalissimo of Upstate New York. 

Offensive coordinator Joe Brady hid beneath his desk during Beane’s coup, emerging as head coach once the fog of war settled. Brady has a symbiotic relationship with Josh Allen: Allen makes Brady look competent, and Brady uses that to advance his career. Wait! That’s not symbiosis. It's something that begins with a "p" …

Quarterback

Josh Allen single-handedly keeps the Bills from becoming the Falcons.

Offense

The veteran-laden offensive line is rock solid. James Cook gains every yard the line blocks up for him, and then some. Newcomer DJ Moore is oregano to Stefon Diggs’ sinsemilla. The rest of the playmaker corps is full of decent-to-disappointing Beane-Brady projects (Khalil Shakir, Dalton Kincaid, Keon “It Ain’t Happening” Coleman) whose names would be unfamiliar to you if Allen wasn’t throwing them the ball. 

Defense

Much of the early-2020s old guard is gone. Bradley Chubb replaces Joey Bosa, who replaced Von Miller, as the mercenary ring-chasing edge rusher. The slide toward mediocrity in that last sentence is almost palpable.

Special Teams

Mecole Hardman is listed as the primary punt returner entering camp, while seventh-round pick Tommy Doman is battling Mitch Wishnowsky at punter. In case it wasn't clear: Beane is completely out of ideas.

Camp Stuff

The Bills are switching from Sean McDermott’s old 4-3 defense to a 3-4 system under new coordinator Jim Leonhard. (Yes, the 4-3/3-4 designations are nearly 20 years out of date; just roll with it.) Leonhard prefers bigger linebackers who can attack the line of scrimmage. Fourth-round pick Kaleb Elarms-Orr earned some minicamp buzz; Bills observers think he has a chance to unseat Terrel Bernard. The Bills defense could use both a further influx of youth and a kick in its complacency. 

Brace yourself for weeks of Keon Coleman Kool-Aid. Legendary Bills receiver/oddball Stevie Johnson is now mentoring Coleman, on and off the field. (And on the basketball court, per this SI feature by John Green.) Just what the Bills need: ghosts of the early 2010s haunting the team! A bold prediction: Beane and Brady won’t play Coleman in preseason games, framing him as an “established veteran” in zero roster jeopardy, while Beane feverishly burns through cellphone batteries trying to trade him. 

Early Thoughts

Yes, the Bills will still be very good in 2026. But what can they do to get better than they were from 2020-25, when they were never quite good enough? 

That’s a question that cannot be answered in training camp. Leonhard and Moore are the two most important newcomers, and we won’t see much of Moore in the preseason, leaving Leonhard as the man under the microscope. You’ll hear a lot about his new scheme in the next few weeks, and you might get a peek at it in preseason games. 

I have little faith in Brady as a head coach; he strikes me as a lamprey for outstanding quarterbacks and a behind-the-scenes gladhander. Let’s see how he handles ceaseless Super Bowl-or-bust pressure. Sean McDermott, for all his shortcomings, made that part of the job look easy. 

Miami Dolphins

TIRED: Calling the Dolphins a Packers minor-league affiliate.

WIRED: Calling the Dolphins a University of South Florida postgraduate program.

Leadership Structure

Head coach Jeff Hafley and general manager Jon-Eric Sullivan arrived from Green Bay in January with a vat of SPF100 suntan lotion and a dream. Offensive coordinator Bobby Slowik is the second-generation/once-removed Mini McVay that a team ends up with when it’s too pathetic to even muster a Mike LaFleur. 

Quarterback

Malik Willis has thrown 155 NFL passes scattered across two teams in four years and played his college ball in the Appalachian wilderness. Anyone who claims to know anything but the basics about him is bluffing. 

Offense

De’Von Achane, $52 million center Aaron Brewer, and a bunch of 1970s porn stars. 

Defense

Chop Robinson? JuJu Brents? Storm Duck? Hold on a moment …

TIRED: Calling the Dolphins a Packers minor-league affiliate.

WIRED: Calling the Dolphins a University of South Florida postgraduate program.

INSPIRED: Calling the Dolphins an anime about a Florida football team.