Preseason Slaughteration
The Rams dominate, the Lions find some edge rushers, the Eagles are the only team with offensive linemen to spare, and Kenneth Walker dances on the ceiling.
Back in the playgrounds of my youth, we had a technical term for a truly lopsided matchup.
“New teams!” someone would shout if the score reached 35-0 after five minutes of two-hand touch on the dead-end street. “This is Slaughteration!”
The 34-0 Rams victory over the Saints on Saturday was Slaughteration. Sean McVay should have been ordered to give two or three guys to Kellen Moore for the afternoon, just like we always had to break up the DiDomenico Brothers when choosing teams. The score was 20-0 at halftime, yet it did not feel that close. No starters for either team played, but since it was a Rams-Saints game, that probably did not matter much.
I don’t have many insights to share from the Rams victory. Sixth-round wide receiver CJ Daniels (6 catches, 68 yards) looked great. UDFA edge rusher Wesley Bailey notched a sack and applied constant pressure. Rams backups dominated both lines of scrimmage. Stetson Bennett airmailed most of his downfield throws, but he still outdueled Zach Wilson, who had no protection or receivers, and also stinks.
The Rams are outstanding at finding and developing affordable role players and backups. The Saints are outstanding at extending Alvin Kamara’s contract. It was a mismatch to the core, just like when the cool kids faced the Star Wars nerds at recess in 1982. (We called ourselves The Jedi, thank you very much.)
Saturday’s 26-3 Giants victory over the Dolphins was another case of Slaughteration, this time of the uncles-versus-tykes-at-the-cookout variety. Giants backups, led by Jameis Winston, Devin Singletary, Darius Slayton, Odell Freakin’ Beckham and other veterans, racked up a 20-0 halftime lead over the Dolphins, who were led by third-string quarterback Cam Miller. The most recognizable veterans on the field for the Dolphins were Jalen Tolbert and (ugh) Jalen Reagor; their best player was third-round receiver Caleb Douglas.
I’m not sure what the Giants learned from Saturday’s blowout. The Dolphins at least evaluated lots of young players who could help them rebuild. We know perfectly well what the Giants look like with Winston, Singletary and Slayton in the huddle, and the team is trying to move beyond that sort of thing. The tykes have a chance to get better; the uncles have nowhere to go but down.
The Seahawks engaged in some light Slaughteration of the Titans on Sunday night, though the 19-16 Titans victory does not reflect what really happened on early-game plays like this:
Seattle Seahawks
Or this:
Billy
That's Drew Lock and the Seahawks backups facing Jeffery Simmons and the Titans starters, who don't appear to understand the basics of coverage or gap rules. The game only got competitive when the Seahawks inserted more third stringers. In playground terms, that's like the DiDomenico brothers getting bored by the lack of challenge and heading to the pizza parlor.
Preseason results are worse than meaningless, of course. But there had to be something cathartic about the 34-6 Falcons victory over the Colts on Saturday. Oh, the game was unwatchable Cooper Rush-versus-Riley Leonard brainrot material from kickoff. But the Falcons dominated from late in the first quarter onward, getting positive plays from lots of roster hopefuls whose names I will bother to learn if they do something in late September. The Falcons needed a glimmer of hope after the summer they’ve had. A little Colts Slaughteration provided just that.
In fact, let’s stick with the Falcons as we segue into Around the League coverage of this weekend’s news, notes and preseason observations.
Atlanta Falcons
Michael Penix was finally cleared by his doctor to resume participation in full practices, starting on Monday. There’s no truth to the rumor that Penix is seeking a second opinion.
Baltimore Ravens
Let’s circle back to them at the end.
Carolina Panthers
Panthers starters looked overmatched against Bills starters last week but looked great against Jaguars backups on Friday. Apparently, there’s no one on the Jaguars bench who can cover Tet McMillan. Who knew? Anyway, we can now say with certainty that the 2026 Panthers will be better than a bunch of backups, but not nearly as good as the Bills.
Fantasy speculators should note that AJ Dillon does not appear to be far behind Jonathon Brooks for the forever-injured vaporware backup running back role. Brooks is younger and has more theoretical upside. Dillon is a big short-yardage option who has had a little NFL success. Neither back looks like much of an option on third downs. Chuba Hubbard remains a quality starter, but Rico Dowdle’s three big games in 2025 convinced fantasy experts that Panthers committee backs are worth caring about.
Much-travelled receiver John Metchie caught six passes for 77 yards against the Jaguars. All of his receptions came in the second half. Metchie appears to be behind David Moore and someone named Brycen Tremayne on the depth chart. Jimmy Horn appears to have secured the little slot receiver/return guy role, so Metchie and the others are fighting to be the fifth wideout. Metchie overcame leukemia to continue his NFL career, so I will always root for him. Maybe he claimed one of the final Panthers roster spots on Friday.
Chicago Bears
Caleb Williams and the (mostly) starters played one series and looked normal against Bengals backups. The Bears moved the ball easily until left tackle Braxton Jones committed a holding penalty in the red zone. Williams overthrew Colston Loveland up the seam on the next play, and the drive stalled. It was an uneventful cameo, unless you really want to go digging for takes.
The Bears (mostly) starting defense played one series against Josh Johnson and the Bengals backups, and they couldn’t generate a single PSI of pressure. Coordinator Dennis Allen blitzed six defenders a few times, but the Bengals backups picked the blitzes up, allowing Johnson to convert a pair of third downs en route to a short field goal.
Newcomer Marcus Davenport did not play on Saturday. Nor did Austin Booker, who generated the sort of camp buzz third-year players generate when a team is really thin at a position and trying to manifest a solution out of vibes and rhetoric. Oft-injured Shemar Turner doesn’t sound like he’s in the team’s plans anymore.
Let’s see … who is left on the old-timey free agent edge rusher market? Joey Bosa is pretty much retired. Bryce Huff and Haason Reddick will gladly deposit a paycheck, but that's precisely the problem. Denico Autry is 36 years old. Jihad Ward? Is he still a thing???
The Bears must be hoping Davenport and Booker can make a real difference. Someone will have to.
Cleveland Browns
Ah, to hell with this bullshit.
What I wrote about Deshaun Watson and Shedeur Sanders two weeks ago hasn’t changed, only intensified. Let’s circle back when the Browns finally announce their decision.
Denver Broncos
The Bo Nix-Jaylen Waddle teaser trailer looked tasty. Nix appeared spry and confident in his first action since breaking an ankle in the playoffs, leading two scoring drives.
Nix and Waddle connected up the seam for a 35-yard catch and run. Nix hit RJ Harvey streaking up the right sideline with a linebacker in coverage for a touchdown a few plays later; it's easy to envision how Waddle's presence could open up opportunities for other playmakers.
Cornerback Riley Moss left Friday’s game with a rib injury. We don’t know much else, because Sean Payton has always been at the vanguard of NFL coaches being utter jerkwads about disclosing basic injury information. (More on that later.) The Broncos face the Chiefs on Monday night in Week 1. They'll need all hands on deck, defensively.
Detroit Lions
The Lions no longer lack a complementary edge rusher for Aidan Hutchinson!
Newcomer DJ Wonnum sacked Jayden Daniels on the second play from scrimmage on Saturday; a second Wonnum sack, on Sam Hartman, was negated by a penalty. Second-round pick Derrick Moore chased down Hartman for a strip sack in the second quarter, recorded a pressure earlier in the game and generally looked like he was being fired out of a supercollider. Ahmed Hassanein, who recorded two sacks in the preseason opener, added two late-game pressures.
Wonnum is a steady veteran. Moore and Hassanein have the tools to be dangerous situational edge rushers. Payton Turner (back injury) appears to be filling the old Marcus Davenport role of “former Saints draft reach on IR,” but whatever. The Lions have an adequate rotation across from Hutchinson. Their lack of edge-rush depth is no longer a story.
The Lions’ lack of depth and solutions on the interior offensive line, however, may be turning into an even bigger story.
