Week 9 Walkthrough: You Can't Just Sim the Season.

In this Week 9 edition of NFL Walkthrough ...

• Jordan Love: "BOMBS AWAY!" Drake Maye: "I am not OK."
• Dan Quinn becomes the Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart of inexplicable late-game tactical blunders.

And much more!

But first, let's take a long look at some teams that may be wishing they could fast-forward to the ends of their disastrous seasons.

Rage-Quitting is Not an Option

The NFL is not a video game. No matter how bad things get, no one gets to “sim” to the end of the season. 

The next two months are happening, no matter what. Down to your third-string quarterback? Who cares: there’s a game next week. Trading All-Pros for peanuts at the deadline? Doesn’t matter: there’s a game next week. 

Fans can tune out or talk of tanking. Owners can fire coaches and GMs. Local bloggers can load up their mock draft simulators. But 53 guys must show up for practice each week, and 11 of them must trudge onto the field for kickoff.

A team in turmoil can either keep trying or tumble into oblivion. But with nine weeks left in the regular season, it could be a long, rocky, painful tumble. 

New York Giants 19, Philadelphia Eagles 11

The Philadelphia Eagles have tried to keep up appearances in the wake of Jalen Hurts’ season-ending blood clots, the medical drama surrounding the team's rub some dirt on it and get on the plane approach to his ailment, and the freefall which was already in progress when it all started. Backup Tanner McKee, who has been in Philly long enough to collect a Super Bowl ring, started three games, with Saquon Barkley and DeVonta Smith hobbling onto the field to help out whenever they could. 

The Eagles lost all three McKee starts. Saquon ended nearly every run by clutching some body part in pain. Much of it happened on prime time national television. There’s a huge viewing audience that wants to see this organization publicly scolded and humiliated on a weekly basis. And that’s just Eagles fans. 

With McKee nursing a rib injury that probably would not sideline him if he were playing well, the Eagles turned to Joe Milton, who is a cross between Josh Allen’s erratic younger cousin and Wile E. Coyote. Milton arrived in Philly on October 16th. There’s bread that has been in my pantry longer than Milton has been with the Eagles. 

Milton got Sunday’s start against the Giants over rookie southpaw Cole Payton, who spent all of training camp and the preseason learning Sean Mannion’s offense and therefore may be irrevocably ruined. The Eagles also cut Andy Dalton in a fit of pique before Hurts’ ailment flared up; Dalton is now blocking all phone calls from the 215 and 856 area codes.

Milton’s most useful trait, especially after just three weeks in a system, is his mobility. So naturally, Nick Sirianni and Mannion shackled Milton to the pocket: I only remember seeing one designed quarterback run, and it was nullified by a penalty. When the Eagles faced fourth-and-short, they sent Barkley’s bruised body into the line to get stuffed instead of risking their 6-foot-5 temp on a sneak. Perhaps they feared that Milton would get hurt and this lost season would get even lost-er. Even that theory makes little sense, since McKee was available as an emergency quarterback.

The Eagles defense kept the team in the game by sacking J.J. McCarthy five times. Jameis Winston replaced the battered McCarthy midway through the third quarter and led a relatively crisp 76-yard touchdown drive to give the Giants a 16-8 lead. McCarthy then returned to limp through a field goal drive and finish the game. Barkley was absent for the Eagles’ final series, leaving 27th string running back Elijah Mitchell to fail to get back on his feet when untouched after catching passes and to cut toward the middle of the field after short receptions with zero timeouts left. 

The Giants offense was clearly more functional when Winston was in the game, and McCarthy looked like he was one hit away from oblivion. But who are we to question the brilliant John Harbaugh of the first-place Giants? The Giants are now destined to win the NFC East, lose 56-10 in the first round of the playoffs to the Rams/Lions/Bears, then spend the next two years untangling the quarterback conundrum they are creating for themselves.  

The Eagles are submarining to depths that the team hasn’t sunk to since the end of the Ray Rhodes era in 1998. Yet they have somehow regained their lovability in the process. Milton looked a teensy bit like a knockoff Randall Cunningham in his Kelly green throwback uniform. Braden Mann looked a little like Cunningham as well, ripping off an 86-yard punt to get the Eagles out of a jam before halftime.

Philly sports fans are programmed from an early age to not just accept the worst, but relish it. The Eagles were still alive late in the fourth quarter of Sunday’s loss, and so was my local tavern. The worse the Eagles stink, the easier it is to revel in nostalgia.

Seattle Seahawks 17, Arizona Cardinals 3

The Seattle Seahawks aren’t quite in sim-the-season mode just yet, though they were forced to start injured Drew Lock (throwing elbow) on Sunday due to Sam Darnold’s quad injury. 

The Seahawks also entered Week 9 without defensive lineman Leonard Williams, receiver/returner Rashid Shaheed, left tackle Charles Cross and newly-acquired All-Pro guard Quenton Nelson, who has followed the latest NFL fashion of getting injured soon after a blockbuster trade. 

The Seahawks faced the Arizona Cardinals, who have already traded the quarterback who started their first eight games (Jacoby Brissett) and the 2024 first-round pick who was supposed to become a face of the franchise (Marvin Harrison Jr.), while placing the third pick in this year’s draft (Jeremiyah Love) on IR after he made record time smashing into the rookie wall.

Keep in mind that the Cardinals have actually exceeded expectations so far in 2026. Had this season gone really bad, the Cardinals may have just wandered into the desert with canteens filled with Dot’s Pretzels.