NFL Power Rankings and Week 4 Catch-Up Show

NFL Week 3 has ended. Do you have any idea just what the hell is going on?

The Raiders are 3-0. The Texans are 0-3. The Dream Team to End All Dream Teams is 1-2. The Factory of Sadness is 2-1. Tyler Shough is cruising. Drake Maye is malfunctioning. Just about the only things you can count upon are 49ers injuries.

Fortunately, Too Deep Zone is here to sort everything out. 

What follows are not mere Power Rankings, but a catchup show on all 32 teams: everything that has happened so far in the 2026 NFL season, summarized in 2,500 words or so. The rankings themselves are informed by DVOA, but not married to it. 

I will drop by the comments frequently on Tuesday and Wednesday to justify these rankings. TO THE DEATH. 

32. Miami Dolphins (0-3)

The $183 million in dead cap money buried in their backyard stinks like an overflowing septic tank.

Malik Willis has his moments. De’Von Achane did what he could before suffering a knee injury in Week 3. Jeff Hafley gets the Dolphins to play with grit and pride against Super Bowl-caliber opponents like the 49ers and Chiefs for a quarter or so. Then the fact that about half the starters would struggle to make an NFC South practice squad kicks in. 

31. Tennessee Titans (0-3)

Their offense has only possessed the ball for precisely 70 minutes and 23 seconds through three games. That’s why their offensive statistics look like they have only played two games. Cam Ward is averaging just 9.2 yards per completion, which seems impossible. But maybe the Titans will look better when they aren’t either playing in 100 degree heat or a car wash.

30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-3)

Collapsed last November. Lost Mike Evans and Lavonte David in the offseason. Extended fumbly/bumbly Baker Mayfield because they didn’t have any better ideas, and have now lost Mayfield to a thumb injury. Offense is turnover-happy and lacks focus. Defense looks like nine guys running three different schemes while two others call their agents. It’s past time to rebuild.

29. Los Angeles Chargers (0-3)

Mike McDaniel’s offense stopped confusing opponents and started confusing itself in October of 2023. The offensive line got Rashawn Slater and Joe Alt back but lost everyone else. The playmaker corps would be fine if it featured a real WR1, TE1 and RB1. The defense misses Jesse Minter. The usually insufferable Jim Harbaugh has been quiet lately.

And Justin Herbert? He has achieved a higher state of overrated consciousness; he exists on the astral plane now, where he can never be defeated.

28. Arizona Cardinals (1-2)

• Veteran-heavy offense: reasonably competent.
• Young, athletic defense: also reasonably competent.
• Week 1 opponent: hilariously inept.

The Cardinals defense played well in the first half against the Seahawks. Their offense played well in the fourth quarter against the 49ers. Get ready for another season of gaudy fantasy stats (for everyone except human decoy Marvin Harrison Jr.) and backdoor covers.

27. Cleveland Browns (2-1)

Got humiliated in Week 1.

Deshaun Watson led a Week 2 comeback against an opponent that has won two games since last Halloween; Albert Breer reacted as if his father had just returned from the Crimean War.

Descuzzball, now looking like a cross between Will Levis and a wrestling manager sneaking up behind an opponent with a chair, led another comeback win in Week 3, thanks to the miracle of roughing the passer and the irrelevance of the Panthers.

This (ugh) “redemption arc” will continue until the Browns face a foe capable of scoring more than one touchdown per week.

26. Washington Commanders (1-2)

Narrow, competitive loss to the Eagles. Jayden Daniels injury. Closer-than-the-score loss to the Cowboys. Weather-assisted upset of the Seahawks.

The Commanders are as good as a team headlined by Marcus Mariota, Stefon Diggs and Rachaad White can be in 2026. They’ll improve when Daniels returns in a few weeks. Then regress when he gets hurt again.

25. New York Jets (1-2)

• Plucky! Professional!
• Geno Smith: efficient!
• Demario Davis: still got it!
• Rookies Kenyon Sadiq and David Bailey: off to encouraging starts!
• Injuries (Minkah Fitzpatrick, Breece Hall, Omar Cooper, Garrett Wilson in the Lions loss): almost Niners-worthy, but do you hear the Jets complaining? 

The Jets could easily be 3-0, with Packers and Lions upsets. But they lack the depth and elite talent to overcome their injuries, and Aaron Glenn manages the clock the way a teenager manages a snooze alarm. 

24. Green Bay Packers (1-2)

Played well in the first quarter against the Vikings and the fourth quarter/overtime against the Jets. Otherwise, they’ve looked like the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater.

Jordan Love’s sliders cannot find the strike zone. Matthew Golden and Lukas van Ness have looked great. All the other young players who were promoted into jobs that they did not earn have looked like young players promoted into jobs they did not earn. 

23. Atlanta Falcons (1-2)

Edge rushers are hurt/suspended. Cooper Rush made Tua Tagovailoa look like Omni-Man. Narrow loss to the Steelers, then the annual early-season humiliation at the hands of the Panthers. Michael Penix, having run out of sick and personal days, hopped on Bijan Robinson’s shoulders and galloped past the Packers.

The Falcons are now back on pace for a Falcons season: two surprise upsets, three utter faceplants, lots of NFC South sludge, seven or eight wins. 

22. New York Giants (2-1)

That Giants offseason was fun, wasn’t it? New arrivals, outsized personalities, the Malik Nabers health watch, Odell Beckham for some reason, a general sense of optimism. 

The Giants peaked in the second half of Week 1, when they ran the ball down the Cowboys’ throat. Then the quarterback we all knew would get seriously hurt got seriously hurt, though he was minding his own business in the pocket when it happened.

Sunday’s victory over the Titans in a Nor'easter had real marching band parents wearing Hefty bags in the bleachers and waiting through the fourth quarter in their cars with the heat blasting energy.

Brian Burns is now also hurt, so pfffffft. 

21. Carolina Panthers (1-2)

Week 1: Contributed to the “Bears will break scoring records” storyline.

Week 2: Contributed to the “Falcons should tank for Arch Manning” storyline.

Week 3: Contributed to the “Deshaun Watson is good again and you should be happy about it” storyline.

The Panthers remind me of Brad Pitt’s advice to Matt Damon about conning a mark. “Be specific but not memorable. Be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you, then forget you the moment you've left his side.”

Wait … what team was I writing about? 

20. New England Patriots (1-2)

Drake Maye interceptions. A.J. Brown injury. Actual opponents, as opposed to the anonymous Lego Batman henchmen they faced in 2025. More Drake Maye interceptions. That about covers it. 

19. Houston Texans (0-3)

The defense is no longer devastating enough to compensate for the offense. The offense is no longer functional enough to compensate for the loss of Nico Collins. Fourth-and-1 gives the Texans a chance to demonstrate what happens when a replacement-level running back takes a handoff behind a below-average offensive line. C.J. Stroud is Justin Herbert without a Greek Chorus.

The Texans are better than their record. But watching them is like watching a glacier melt. 

18. New Orleans Saints (1-2)

Weeks 1-2: Hopeless in the first half, unstoppable in the fourth quarter.

Week 3: “That’s unsustainable! Let’s switch to being unstoppable in the first half and hopeless in the fourth quarter!”

Tyler Shough is indie side-stage Bo Nix for the cool kids to enjoy. Chris Olave morphed into Justin Jefferson when no one was paying attention. The no-name defense has slowed some star-studded offenses to keep opponents within Shoughing distance. 

Graded on a curve, the Saints are pretty good. They may also be the best team in the NFC South, which is the same thing as being graded on a curve.

17. Indianapolis Colts (1-2)

Basically skipped Week 1. Surrendered to the Chiefs in overtime in Week 2. Tried to surrender in Week 3, but the Texans wouldn’t let them. Find someone who loves you the way Shane Steichen loves settling for field goals when the opponent is on the ropes.

Jonathan Taylor and the O-line are thumping. Josh Downs is the guy we thought Alec Pierce would be. Daniel Jones has settled into a performance level halfway between 2025’s Indiana Jones and 2019-24’s Broadway Danny Dimes.

The Factory of Blandness is ready to churn out another eighth-place AFC finish.

16. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1)

Week 1: Narrow victory over feisty Commanders. Fire Nick Sirianni!

Week 2: Narrower victory over terrible Titans on the surface of Mercury. Fire Nick Sirianni!

Week 3: Oh, you thought we were being ironic? FIRE SIRIANNI! ARGGGHHH

The Eagles offense going three-and-out for an entire quarter is nothing new. The Eagles defense missing gobs of tackles and being unable to even sack Case Keenum is very new, and very, very troubling. This team is in danger of collapsing the moment they face an opponent that is good/healthy.

15. Dallas Cowboys (1-2)

Dak Prescott, CeeDee Lamb and George Pickens: the Greatest Offense There Is when it comes to generating 25-yard field goals. The thoroughly-overhauled defense is capable of stopping backup quarterbacks, and only backup quarterbacks. 

The Cowboys would be 2-1 with better clock management and/or emotional regulation. They are half football team, half primetime soap opera that has now been on the air for 30 years.

14. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1)

Stingy, opportunistic defense. Tomato-soup-and-grilled-cheese offense. Special teams units with the magical ability to cause stupidity in opponents.

Aaron Rodgers is joylessly managing victories as a way to get back at his ex-lovers. Mike McCarthy is burning timeouts like mesquite barbecue woodchips while figuring out ways to take credit for opponents’ muffed punts. 

The Steelers recipe for moderate success appears unsustainable, but they have been sustaining it since about 2021.

13. Las Vegas Raiders (3-0)

Klint Kubiak is the Kyle Shanahan of Kubiaks. Kirk Cousins is the corny stepdad you come to appreciate when you stop sneering and give him a chance. The best Raiders wide receivers are their tight ends. Their best Ashton Jeanty may be Mike Washington. Defenders besides Maxx Crosby, like Nakobe Dean and Hezekiah Masses, are making plays. 

The Raiders won’t win the Super Bowl. But they are on pace to claw into the Wild Card slot that the Chargers are abandoning.

12. Cincinnati Bengals (2-1)

Round up the usual suspects: Joe Burrow, Ja’Marr Chase and Tee Higgins, with Dexter Lawrence replacing Trey Hendrickson on drums.

Baker Mayfield left a Week 1 victory on the turf for the Bengals. The Texans offense and field goal unit self-sabotaged for their amusement in Week 2. The Steelers exposed the Bengals secondary and gave them a case of the yips in Week 3. 

The Bengals may be the best of the middleweights, but they still aren’t heavyweights. 

11. Detroit Lions (2-1)

• Both starting safeties: hurt since last Christmas.
• Offensive line: rotting from the inside out.
• Jahmyr Gibbs, Amon-Ra St. Brown, Aidan Hutchinson, Jack Campbell and (yes) Jared Goff: good enough to beat welterweights like the Saints and Jets, albeit narrowly, all by themselves. 

The Lions are the NFC’s Bengals, but with High Value Alpha Male instead of Discount McVay Knockoff at head coach. They’re reportedly pursuing a trade for Joey Porter Jr. to beef up their secondary. They should pursue harder and faster. 

10. Baltimore Ravens (2-1)

The best team in the NFL. Except on third-and-1. Or fourth-and-1. Or at the goal line. Or when the opponent targets their WR1. Or when leading against an opponent they should pummel. Or within line-of-sight of a Terrible Towel. 

Jesse Minter worked all offseason to fix the Ravens’ mistake-plagued, self-defeating team culture. His changes lasted until halftime of the Week 2 Saints loss. Still: Lamar, King Henry, Kyle Hamilton, etc.

9. Chicago Bears (2-1)

Week 1: “The Bears are gonna break the scoring record!”

Week 2: “Caleb Williams covered his head with a towel after severely straining a hamstring in a downpour. IS HE SOME WEENIE MAN WHO IS MADE OF SUGAR?”

Week 3: Case Keenum leads upset blowout of Eagles. "Hear me out: three-way trade. Caleb to the Texans. C.J. Stroud to the Falcons. Drake London and Jesse Bates to the Bears. Then, Tyson Bagent to the Bucs for YaYa Diaby. Can the Bears win a Super Bowl with Case Keenum? Sure! As long as they don't have to face Hurricane Ditka!"

Folks, Ben Johnson might BE Hurricane Ditka.

8. Los Angeles Rams (1-2)

Week 1: Jetlag. Myles Garrett injury. Puka Nacua injury. Australia really is dangerous! The Rams lost the Emu War.

Week 2: Jaxson Dart injury. Giants surrender at halftime.

Week 3: 16-0 halftime lead against the Broncos? Totally safe! Time to abandon the run, commit some penalties (ticky-tack and otherwise) and continue to suck at punts and kickoffs!

The Rams will look back at their early-season blunders in mid-January and laugh. Then they will lose the NFC Championship on two kickoffs out of bounds, 100 yards of penalties and a failed Matthew Stafford pass into the end zone to a sixth-string tight end.

7. Minnesota Vikings (3-0)

Blitz, blitz, blitzety-blitz. Brian Robespierre Flores has instituted a Reign of Terror. On offense, two disappointing goofball quarterbacks may almost be as good as one, at least when Myles Price is generating offense via punt/kickoff returns. 

This will be one of those years where the Vikings win all of their close games, as opposed to the years where they lose all their close games. The Vikings are incapable of going around .500 in close games. 

6. Denver Broncos (2-1)

Vicious pass defense. Vulnerable run defense. No offense until halftime. All touchdown drives must travel 52 yards or less, until the end of the fourth quarter. Bo Nix is the grocery store turkey wrap of quarterbacks. The Broncos got smoked by the Chiefs in Week 1. They got some help from the refs in the final minutes of Week 3. But they are 2-1 against a brutal schedule. Deal with it.