DIVACON 5. (Mailbag Part 1)
This edition of Mailbag provides objective criteria for evaluating wide receiver tantrums AND what to look for in a sports bar. Also: which NFL player would make the best NHL goalie?
This is Part 1 of what should be a two-part mailbag. It covers questions about the Eagles, Jeremiyah Love, and a few other specific teams and players. Tomorrow’s segment will cover your more in-depth or esoteric questions. Thanks as always for your contributions!
Why are there so many A.J. Brown trade rumors when he has a dead cap hit of a billion dollars? – Kyle Lutz
Brown would like to be traded. The Eagles would like to trade him. Teams have inquired about Brown, if only in the way the Honda dealership keeps texting to ask if I want to trade in my Civic. Howie Roseman pulled off a Carson Wentz trade that felt impossible at the time, so he is perceived as a miracle worker.
It all adds up to a situation that can be talked about, with a straight face and a clean conscience, during the current lull in casual-fan-worthy NFL news.
Most NFL writers don’t have the luxury of being philosophical and quirky (or, heaven forbid, taking some time off) this time of year. That’s only possible through the support of subscribers like you! Eagles writers/podcasters and folks with endless radio/television hours to fill must circle back to sexy topics involving big-name stars. And there has been just enough snuffed-candle smoke around Brown to keep pulling the fire alarm.
One thing I always found funny about trade speculation fanfic is how blithely the writer/podcaster/soothsayer generally brushes off any cap issues. “Sure, the Eagles would take a $10 bazillion cap hit, but …” It’s like a sci-fi writer saying “faster-than-light travel exists, OK? If not, there’s no damn story!”
What does your mind map of the Diva WR flowchart look like and in what stage is A.J. Brown as opposed to say Brandon Aiyuk? – Tom Burton
In my mind, the DivaCon scale goes from 5 to 1, like the DEFCON scale.
DivaCon 5: Vagueposting on Instagram or X.
DivaCon 4: Contract holdout* or crimes of immaturity/irresponsibility.
DivaCon 3: Sideline antics/hijinks; verbal barbs at coach/quarterback. OR: any viral video involving a boat.
DivaCon 2: Crimes against society/decency; Internet bigotry of some sort.
DivaCon 1: Some combination of 2 through 5, or perhaps light treason or regicide.
The holdout comes with an asterisk because some holdouts, like Terry McLaurin’s last year, are just a normal part of NFL business. A DivaCon holdout must come three weeks after signing a new contract or something.
Using this scale, A.J. Brown never really gets past DivaCon 5 unless you count his thermonuclear passive/aggression. Reading a book might qualify as “antics,” but that was two seasons ago.
Aiyuk is a tricker case. Falling off the face of the earth isn’t really covered by the DivaCon system, which is designed for attention junkies. Aiyuk went from DivaCon 4 (reckless driving rap) to gone. The 49ers may need a special scale which takes into account their knack for turning routine contract situations into Cold Wars.
Puka Nacua may force me to add “cannibalism” to the scale. Not happy about it!
Who do you see the Eagles taking at No. 23? – Kyle Lutz
