Ben Johnson and Caleb Williams, BFF, TLA, OMG

The NFL cordially invited us to a shotgun wedding on Sunday night.

The groom: Ben Johnson, formerly the carefree bachelor who caroused with Dan Campbell until deep into the playoffs; the cad who once left the Commanders at the altar.

Johnson’s blushing partner: Caleb Williams, the reluctant debutante with the overbearing father. Caleb and the Bears turned into a real situationship last year. The youngster was so naive and innocent that he didn’t even know how to watch film! Johnson galloped onto the scene as Caleb’s would-be tutor, savior, protector, Prince Charming and father confessor all in one. The Bears approved of the arrangement. So did Williams’ daddy. Caleb couldn’t say no if he wanted to.

The scuttlebutt surrounding the couple’s courtship has been somewhat Shakespearean so far. Johnson is the publicly-critical type, while Williams has a reputation as the sensitive type. But hey: opposites attract, right?

Johnson spent the start of the relationship reassuring Bears fans that Williams is happy and eager to consummate a long and fruitful marriage. More recently, however, Johnson has been huffing to the media about Caleb’s training camp completion percentages as if he were Dagwood fuming about Blondie’s department-store bills.

Johnson is fiddling with Williams’ footwork, or lack thereof. He wants Caleb to mind his “body language,” lest he look too much like a victim after getting sacked. All that’s missing is the rain in Spain falling mainly on the plain. J.J. McCarthy, Bo Nix and Michael Penix still get roses and chocolates each day from their coaches and the press pool, no matter how badly they burn the steak. Johnson and Caleb didn’t even have a proper honeymoon.

Sunday night’s matchup with the Bills finally gave us a chance to see the questionably-happy couple take the dance floor for the first time. Could the Battling Bickersons at least keep up appearances? Smile for the cameras? Dance without arguing over who is leading?

Turns out Johnson and Williams really can cut a rug.

Perhaps paradise ain’t so troubled after all.